I’ve Been Away From Steemit Trying to Complete the Longest Post
I have just realized that I have been away from Steemit for nearly a month. Throughout the entire month, I have been busy completing and perfecting the longest post in my life. No, it’s not this post, but my Ph.D. thesis.
This post can be a bit confusing and I apologize for this, that’s because my mind has literally turned to mush in the midst of trying to complete my Ph.D. thesis.
For the last three years, I have been on a rather lonely journey trying to complete my Ph.D. thesis. At close to 65000 words and at about 220 pages, I hope that it will hold up when I am being evaluated. As I entered into the final months of my work, it has been a rather interesting journey. It has been a journey that has been both painful and enlightening.
I Feel Physically Sick
After spending at times up to 8 hours a day looking and figuring out what to write for my thesis, I feel physically sick looking at my work. You know how they use to say that Ph.D actually stands for Permanent Head Damage. I am starting to see the reason why.
I remember trying to figure out how to word a particular issue for quite a bit. It took me close to a day just to get one paragraph done. Even that I felt so drained. Every time I am being evaluated, I feel a sickening feeling in my being. There’s this fear that gnaws at the back of my head and constantly tells me that I may screw up my work.
When I share this with some of my friends, well-meaning ones would always ask me what the big deal is. To them, even if I do fail, all I have to do is to start all over again. That may be true, but unfortunately, I am on a scholarship.
As such, I am only given 3 years to complete the entire thesis or I would have to pay back an equivalent of 4 Bitcoins (at May 2019 prices).
But I Have Learnt…
However, I have learned the value of just starting. Sometimes, it becomes rather overwhelming to plan everything perfectly. Even in the best circumstances, the best plans do tend to fall apart. As such, I have learned that the best thing that I can do is to just start doing it.
I believe that it is through starting, trying or doing that you will discover where the actual flaws are. I also believe that we sometimes get stuck in planning because just planning is a really comfortable place to be. As such, being uncomfortable and putting myself in a situation that has made me physically sick has made it possible for me to complete my work.
I hope this ends soon, as it is, my Ph.D. has drained quite a lot of me in terms of physically, mentally and emotionally. I’m even starting to get weird dreams, but that being said, I will see this through to the very end.